Earning the right

I've had an interesting thought cross my mind today. So, if you don't mind, I think I'll just begin to process it here. Comments welcome - I'm still processing.

I was inspired by both a post on Rob Daly's new blog, and one on Rhonda's. Rob was discussing on his blog the idea of other people's opinions. To quote:

I've tended to defer to the opinions of others rather than pay attention or
give credence to my own. I've come, over the past few years and more recently,
to realize that the opinions of others can genuinely have little merit in terms
of being well thought out and many times little merit otherwise.

Rhonda was also discussing opinions.

Yes, like Yvonne (and Paul her brother) says, they are like butts, everybody has one. And I must say this is a bit of a vent blog. I know my situation brings up compassion and concern and even overwhelming support. But I have to say I am surprised at the amount and RANGE of things people (mostly family) feel very free to share with me.

And the thought occurred to me "what gives other people the right to speak into our lives?" And, what criteria do we use to give other people the right to speak into our lives? AND, what gives us the right to speak into the lives of other people? Doesn't that have to be earned? Do we give it away too easily? Do we expect to have it too freely?

So many questions. So little brain.

So I put it to you. What do people have to do to earn the right to speak into your life? Do you need to have relationship? Trust? Do they need to have a certain "expertise"? Do you need to be the one initiating the query, or is unsolicited input acceptable to you? Do you question what you hear? Or do you just accept what you're being told/taught without the filter of critical thinking? Do you question motives? Do you feel free to question openly? Do you feel free to just throw it out when it doesn't seem right? Do you respect the giver of the input enough to let it simmer for awhile instead of making snap judgements? Do you automatically defer to others? And under what circumstances?

And what about our own opinions? What circumstances allow for open sharing? How much relationship do you need before you feel you can speak into someone's life? How much of your own value is tied up in your opinions?(Ah, now THERE'S a key question!) Do you wait to be asked, or do you offer up your thoughts freely? And when do you do each (assuming there's different circumstances for each approach)? What do you have to put into a relationship before you can speak to someone's heart? What are you really putting on the line?

So... before my brain explodes I will leave you to ponder these things. And then share your opinions. You may do so freely. I will ponder most of them. I will probably reject some and accept others and generally allow for the fact that everyone has a right to their own, and that I ASKED to hear them.

The Incredible Dullness of Being... Me.

Alright. I've been tagged. And, as usual, I've been putting it off. But here I am now, so let's just get on with it.

Thanks, JJ...

Four Jobs I've Had:

1. Childcare worker in several daycares.
2. Press operator in a drycleaning plant, shirt department. I press a mean shirt, let me tell you...
3. Cook. Anyone remember Woolco? They used to have a restaurant inside the department store. I used to cook and serve for them.
4. Accounts payable clerk. Yeah, I can cut a mean cheque, too.

Four Movies/Shows I've Been Addicted To:

Addicted is a pretty strong word, so let's just say some that I've been rather attached to.
1. The Simpsons. See last post.
2. The Party. One of the all-time classic funny movies. Peter Sellers is pure comic genius, I tell you!
3. The Gilmore Girls. Sorry, but quick-witted women with great come-backs for everything... almost makes me want to be them. Almost.
4. Anne of Green Gables. Yes. All eight hours of it. I could watch it all in one sitting... or at least in one day - and have!

Four Places I've Lived:

1. One room in a rooming house with my mom before my dad moved in with us and we got an apartment.
2. Edmonton, Alberta
3. Port Colborne, Ontario. Though you might say I did anything BUT live there...
4. Calgary, Alberta

Four Countries I Would Like To Visit:

1. Austria - again. And again. And again.
2. Australia - to see if my Dad's side of the family is worth finding. I'd have to get past my fear of all the poisonous snakes and spiders first, though.
3. Scotland - both sides of my family have roots there.
4. St. Vincent - we almost adopted from there. I wouldn't mind seeing what we missed.

Four Popular False Assumptions About Me:

1. That I'm a great cook and homemaker. Well, that one is partly true. I CAN cook. But my house usually looks like a tornado hit it. It's just that after "flylady" it now looks like a category two instead of a category five.
2. That I'm self-confident. *ENH* wrong. Call me Miss Insecure. Sally Field, move over...(they like me! They really like me!)
3. That I'm an intellectual. Well, I'm not totally without brains, and I do like to process, but I'm not usually willing to spend the time to go as deep into things as, say JJ, or Jude.
4. That I'm creative. Oh man, are you guys ever off the mark on that one! I can follow a pattern, or extrapolate a harmony, but I do not have a truly creative bone in my body.

Four People I Look Like:

1. My Dad. In more ways than I'm going to tell you...
2. Terri Hatcher. *insert SERIOUS guffaws here!* (well, before she lost too much weight. - yeah... THAT makes a difference... )
3. Maude Flanders (hmmm... I wonder if my butt really IS higher than Marge's...)
4. The bearded lady. No, I'm not going to elaborate, but there's a great pic over on Derek and Joy's site.


Four Things (I Hope) To Do Before I Die:

Once upon a time I would have put "give birth" at the top of this list, but not anymore. I am DONE.

1. Finish proofreading my friend's book.
2. Have a truly clean house without having to hire friends, relatives, or professionals.
3. Think kindly of myself.
4. Ballroom dancing with my hubby.

Four People I Tag Next:

1. Judi Daly (Oh, like there was some doubt?)
2. Erica Seales ('Cause she has nothing better to do now that she's in her new house...)
3. Colleen Johnson (I am just TOO curious.)
4. Yvonne Parks ('Cause she's funnier than me. than I. than me. yeah,... than me.)

The Mind is a Steel Trap

Unfortunately, mine is only capable of capturing minutiae (Doug hates that word) and trivial, meaningless things. And quotes. Usually Simpsons quotes. I made the error of mentioning this talent on Erica's blog, and received a request for my top 20 Simpsons quotes - or the first 20 that come to my mind - either way...

So, prepare to groan, 'cause here we go!

1. Homer: "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!" said while burning his High School Diploma, and setting the rest of the living room on fire.
2. Homer: "Are you really the head of the Quickie Mart?" "yes" "really?" "yes" "REALLY?" "yes, thank you, come again" This exchange happened when Homer and Apu went to India to beg the head of the Quickie Mart for Apu's job back. They were only allowed three questions.
3. Ralph: "I bent my wookie!" spoken after he won the diorama-rama contest.
4. Bart: "Just more of me to love, honey..." Marge's dream sequence where Bart grows up to be an exotic dancer.
5. "Hello Grandpa my old friend. Your busy day is at an end...." Sung at the end of the 'Mrs. Bouvier' episode when they get on the trolley to get back to the senior's home in time for Matlock.
6. Ralph: "The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger out of there."
7. Martin: "Hark to the tale of Nelson, and the boy he loved so dear. They remained the best of friends for years and years and years!" Sung during the episode where the lemon tree was stolen by Shelbyville.
8. Lisa: "My dad thinks he belongs. He belongs in a zoo. I'm the sa-a-a-a-adest kid in gra-a-a-a-ade number two". Lisa's blues song in the episode where she meets Bleeding Gums Murphy.
9. Ralph: "Me fail English? That's Un-possible!"
10. Mr. Burns: "See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest. See my sweater, there's none better than authentic Irish setter. See this hat, t'was my cat. My evening wear (something)-clawed bat. These new slippers are albino African endangered rhino. Grizzly bear underwear, turtle's necks I've got my share, (fuzzy right here) See my red robin suit, it comes one vest or two. See my vest, see my vest, see my vest. Like my loafers, former gophers, it was that or skin my chauffeurs but a Greyhound fur tuxedo would be grand. (something something) dogs. Kill two for matching clogs! See my vest! See my vest! Seeeee my vest!" "I really like the vest."
11. Ralph: "That's my sand box. I'm not allowed in the deep end. That's where I saw the Leprechaun. He told me to burn things."
12. Ooter: "Don't make me run! I'm full of chocolate!"
13. Homer: "Hey Marge! Remember when we used to make out to this hymn?" That was when Bart slipped in his version "In the Garden of Eden" into the service.
14. Homer: " Don't blame me! I voted for Kang." When Kang and Kodos took over the bodies of the presidential candidates.
15. Teacher: "Okay class, let's take out a circle of paper and a safety pencil" When Homer took a new job and moved the family.
16. "Dr. Zeyus, Dr. Zeyus. Dr. Zeyus, Dr. Zeyus. Dr. Zeyus, Dr. Zeyus. Ohhh Dr. Zeyus. Dr. Zeyus, Dr. Zeyus." song from the musical version of The Planet of the Apes - starring Troy McClure. Followed by the finale: "... I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z, you'll never make a monkey out of me... Oh my gosh! I was wrong (statue of liberty rises)! It was earth all along. You've finally made a monkey... Yes we've finally made a monkey! You've finally made a monkey out of me!"
17. Apu: "Banana Bread! What were you thinking!" After the octuplets were born and Homer and Marge paid a visit.
18. Homer: pretending to be Mr. Burns' mother "Hello, Mr. Burns. This is your mother! You are a bad son Montel...."
19. Apu: "I can't believe you don't shut up!" Said to Homer.
20. Apu and Simpsons: "Who needs the Quickie Mart? Their floors are sticky mart. It makes us sicky-mart. The Quickie Mart is real... doh! Who needs the Quickie mart? Not me!" " Who needs the Quickie Mart? I dooooooooooo!"

Okay, anyone else see a theme here? Funny how music makes stuff stick in your head better. Erica, I'll see if I can come up with any more off the top of my head. And I promise... I did not cheat here. I ALMOST looked up some of the words to Mr. Burns' song, but I resisted, as this was meant to test my memory.

WAIT!!!! I just remembered one of Doug's favorites, so please indulge me. This is when the Simpsons were going into the witness relocation program. They are being briefed on their new name... "Okay, Homer, now, when I say 'hello Mr. Anderson (I think?)' and wink like this, and step down on your foot like this you say 'hello' Okay?" Homer: "Right" Guy: "Hello Mr. Anderson" Homer to the other guy "I think he's talking to you."

Oh, and alright, I did go and check a quote site AFTER I posted this, but this one is my new favorite, so I won't claim to have remembered it - I just need to pass it on. During this episode Homer found that prayer was the key to his life. So he prayed for everything. One evening he was praying aloud, very obnoxiously when Marge tells him "Y'know Homer, most people pray silently." Homer: "But Marge, He's way the HELL up there!" (excuse the crassness, but it doesn't work without spelling it out!)