Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Lazy Bones

I had one of those "Aha!" moments today.

As I was driving to pick Matthew up from school today I thought I'd take the time to pray. So I started in as usual, and I got to thinking about how I always ask God to help me be a better Mom. Anyone else do that?

Then it hit me. "Ummm.... I've already given you all the tools you need. You don't want me to HELP you be a better mom, you want me to do it FOR you."


Man, how many times have I found myself saying the same thing to my kids. You know: "I've already helped you by picking out your clothes. You don't need me to dress you, too. You're quite capable of doing that for yourself."

Hmmm.... Turns out, I'm just lazy. Not really that big of a revelation, just the context that's new. He's given me a mind with which to figure stuff out - like how to make and recognize good choices. He's given me a body that functions (well, most of the time, anyway...). And he's put love for my kids deep into my spirit, so I really do want what's good for them. AND He's there for me to lean on when I'm weak. What more am I expecting Him to do?! Snap his fingers and make me perfect? Hello.... it doesn't work that way.... value in the process, etc....

So, I guess it's time to get off my hiney(sp?) and get on with being faithful to what I know and what I've been given.

And right now that means going to bed and getting a decent night's sleep....


Monday, October 18, 2004

At the Copa, Copa Cabana....

Well, it's been awhile, so I suppose I should give you something to read, or you won't bother coming to visit.

Some of you are probably wondering why I haven't been blogging about our women's retreat. It is, after all, a pretty big deal for me, and I have been spending a lot of my time over the last couple months on it.

Well, it's over.

All that prep, stress, coronaries, psoriasis break-outs, and stress induced hair loss, and it's over. Just like that. I'm not even fully sure what happened. I've heard a lot of feedback, and it all had some good in it. (Sure, who's gonna beat this dead horse and tell her she did a horrible job and should be flogged. You're all just too nice, that's what it is.)

Let's see. The speaker was good at what she did. She was just a bit off target from what I had envisioned for the weekend. I know her style isn't for everyone, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking focus. I was looking for teaching on why we are all inherently valuable and on equal footing with everyone else. Self-image stuff. Knowing the "how-to's" of tending your spirit is good, but if you don't feel like you're worth tending then it's just useless info. File it away and shut down your brain and your spirit.

Yvonne told us during worship on Saturday evening to close our eyes and listen to see if God would tell us what the thing is that's blocking us. I did hear a word, but I assumed it was just for me, so I didn't share it. Maybe I was wrong. What I heard was "doubt", or perhaps more accurately "self-doubt". I was blocked because I really didn't think that God would actually come and have something for me.

I spent a lot of the weekend struggling with the same self-worth issues I hashed out on the Breathe blog a while back. I had to keep reminding myself that I am made in the image of God. It was the whole concept of the Celtic view of Christianity that sees the image of God first in a person instead of seeing the sin first that has impacted me so much since I heard Jan teach about it at Breathe. That's why I was excited about having her come. I expected more of that teaching. I guess she was given a different perspective on our vision for the weekend. I wasn't in charge of relating the vision to the speaker.

The food was good. The facilities were as good as I remembered them. Even the nursing moms seemed to be OK with their room sharing arrangements. I heard people laugh that first night, so I guess I don't have to worry about looking silly in front of people. They seem to like it. Hmmm... I wonder what accent I should use next year...

I had a lot of good people working with me this year. Fresh ideas and enthusiasm were really a treat. Not to say that there weren't problems or issues, but this is not the forum for that.

Don't ask me about next year, yet. I'm still trying to calm down my psoriasis and replant hair on my head. I think I'll take some from my overgrown legs...Speaking of my head, will someone PLEASE help me get "Copa Cabana" out of it?!!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Men are from....


I've said it many times, and I'm standing by it.

Boys are aliens.

And men are just grown up boys.

I don't get it. What's with you guys? (Don't pretend like you're not reading this. I know there's at least one of you checking out what this weird chick has to say.)

Women. We long for community, so we create it. We have groups for moms, Women's retreats, Spring Flings... I'd bet that housegroup was a woman's idea. We even do blogs for community's sake instead of for debating ideas.

Men. OK, so this is a generalization, I'll admit it. I'll be completely up front about it and acknowledge that you probably don't ALL feel this way, but... There just seem to be so many of you wandering around, desperate for deep, brotherly relationship, without any idea of how to go about it. And those who may have ideas are too shy or burned out to want to organize and implement them. Have you given up? What will it take? Can we help you?

See, I really don't understand the male mind on this matter. Can you help me?

We used to get a comment on our retreat feedback sheets that said we should do a men's retreat. Our thought was "Great idea! They should have a retreat, but they need to be the ones to organize it."

I'm getting tired of seeing my husband retreat into himself, missing his brothers desperately, and not knowing how to make that connection with anyone else. I'd sure appreciate insight from anyone who can shed some light on this for me.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Foiled again.


Sick again.

I spent most of Saturday in bed with a nasty headache. I'm beginning to wonder what differentiates a migraine from a regular headache. I did better on Sunday and managed to clean up the playroom and both boys' rooms. Today I'm somewhere in between, so I haven't managed to get much more than laundry done today.

On the plus side, I did manage to get a whole lot of knitting done on Saturday - when I could manage to sit up.

Sunday was Doug's birthday. A big one. He's 40 now. (Shhhh... don't tell anyone 'k?) I wanted to throw him a party, but life has a way of going on and party planning is something I haven't done in a very long time. I threw him a GREAT surprise party for his 30th, but it just hasn't been the same since we've been here in the 'peg. I really don't know who I'd invite. He just doesn't have a lot of friends outside of a few from work. Church has been such a challenge for him, and I know he feels really disconnected. He's genuinely surprised when I tell him someone asked about him. So, in the end, we went out (all of us) for dinner, and I never even got the cake made (I make a really cool birthday cake).

Wednesday will be our anniversary. We have a regular sitter for Thursday, so we'll go out then. If I'm not bedridden again by that time.

Well, I'd better mosey on, now. I still have Doug's lunch to make and the breakfast table to set before I can go to bed. Here's hoping for a healthier, more productive tomorrow.