Monday, December 13, 2004

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....

Oy! I did it again!

Since it's Monday I made up my menu plan for the week, carefully prepared my list, grabbed my water jug, strapped on the boots and schlepped into my winter coat and headed out to the store. Without my list.

Now, if you've been reading this blog lately you know I have an enormous case of "Swiss Cheese Brain" at the moment. Forgetting the list could be tragedy in the making! So, what did I do? I was already a block away from the store when I realized I'd forgotten. It would take too much time to turn around and go back. I'd just wind up staying in, beating myself up (mentally - I'm far too much of a wimp to actually do myself any physical damage...), and being extra rushed and stressed tomorrow. So, instead I took a deep breath, figured out what my bottom line was (y'know, 'what do I need to make dinner tomorrow?'...), realized that I could remember a can of salmon, and headed off into the store to see what would come of it all.

I made it to both stores (always get my dairy at Safeway), and I'm home with all the stuff put away. I haven't even checked the list yet to see what I forgot. Could it be that I'm actually learning to be kind to myself? After all, what is really gained by the old "stupid! stupid! stupid!" game? It doesn't help me to remember any better.

I was reading an article somewhere lately (Please don't ask me to remember where or when...) about stress itself being a stressor. It was suggesting that the way we deal with daily stresses can either add or detract from our overall stress level. I was remembering times in my life when others around me were freaking out about things while I chose to just take them in stride. Wow, I can hardly believe that was me! Well, given how I've been approaching life lately.

So, today I took the missing list in stride. If I'd forgotten the cereal we'd all have survived. It's not like there's nothing else to eat in the house. I'd love for this attitude to just spread itself more into the rest of my life, but I have a hunch that this is a more deliberate thing. It doesn't seem to be in my nature at the moment. I'll have to keep choosing it. Talking myself through it.

Funny how we (read: I ) tend to give others so much more grace than we (I) give ourselves. I am my own worst critic. Ooooooohhhh, and all this time I thought it was my (extended) family... ;-) Time to give myself a break. That doesn't mean I'm going to let go of all expectations of myself, but I will try to go with the flow, pick up the pieces, and just keep swimming....

Man, I wish I could speak whale.....

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Hair today, gone tomorrow...

Actually, it's hair gone today. I managed to score a last minute appointment with my hairdresser, and on a Friday night no less! She must have had a cancellation. Yippee for me!

So, I am once again at home sporting far less hair on various parts of me than I had earlier this evening. Y'know, after the first pull waxing doesn't really hurt that much. Still, I prefer to have someone else do the pulling. This girl got so excited the first time I let her do my brows. She'd been after me for awhile and I finally gave in one day. You'd have thought it was her birthday!

*sigh* I'm going to miss her. Yeah. She just told me tonight that she's moving to Toronto just before Christmas. She did refer me to one of the other girls in the salon, but it's always a bit scary the first time you see a new stylist.

My grey is gone for the moment, but I'm not going to tell you what colour we used to do it. You'll just have to wait and see... I'm not all that thrilled with the colour at the moment, and I usually don't like the way she styles it, but I'm sure it will all look better in the morning. After I shower and fix it, that is.... not when I first roll out of bed.

Oh well, it is just hair, after all.... It grows and grows and then I can do more experimenting with it. I never did that in my teens, and hardly at all in my twenties. Guess I'm just a late bloomer that way.

Well gotta go do my "reveal" for the hubby. (Not that he really cares that much about hair...)


Wednesday, December 08, 2004

...and one for you,...

This morning Matt picked up the candy canes from under the tree and showed me how many there were. Doug had told me they'd left some under there "for Santa". I mentioned that to Matt, and he said "no, they're not all for Santa". Then he proceeded to divvy them up.

"These are for Santa"

"These are for God"

"These are for Jesus"

"And these are for Mom"

What a sweetie!

"But the ones on the tree are ours".

Monday, December 06, 2004

Madame Gooseberry?

Gooseberries are more of a sickly yellow colour, if my memory serves me (of course it does, who else would it serve?). That's a little closer to puce (see last entry if you're confused....).

So, it's evening now. The kids are in bed, finally asleep. Doug's on the other computer, winding down from his day. The grocery shopping is done.... well, .... The dishes need to be finished, lunches made, and the table set for morning before I can go upstairs, but for now I'm having my Pepsi (what a girl needs after shopping), an orange, and blogging away. Running on at the keyboard, if you will...

My darling took care of the boys' baths and suggested I finish my list and leave for shopping before they were in bed. I almost made it, too. I was headed for the door when we both realized that I'd forgotten to clean and remake the boys' beds. Still, I managed to get out about 1/2 hour earlier than usual, and since I didn't need water today I could go to Extra (close by) instead of making the trek out to Superstore.

Now, you'd think that with extra time to compose my list and more time at the store that I would remember everything. But you'd be wrong. Not only did I forget the whole wheat flour (didn't even make the list!), but a plethora of other needs. Some were even ON my list, and I STILL walked out of the store without them. Now, on top of making a list of what I can remember I forgot (welcome to my twisted brain), I have to hunt down a source of suet, and find a fresh turkey for the weekend after next(18th).

My muffins got made (a new recipe at that). And my bagels got done (I tried something else new this time, too). Once lunches are made they'll make their way to the freezer. We had that wonderful soup (Hamburger Minestrone - see Breathe recipe blog) and watched Kelvin sit at the table for about an hour not eating it. No biscuits, though. I ran out of table space to make them. Sometimes I miss my old kitchen....

So, could I save myself some energy and buy bagels and muffins and whole grain breads? Yeah. But I like to make my family fresh, healthy stuff. I've tried out quite a few new muffin recipes. We're not getting sick of banana muffins anymore... The breadmaker takes care of the bread. I just have to remember to load it. I like knowing exactly what's going into my family's tummies. As for the bagels, well that's my new passion. The bagels we like at Safeway were out of stock for a couple of weeks, so there was my chance to try out those recipes. Basically it's just bread dough, so my breadmaker can take care of the bulk of it. The difference is in how you cook it. Shaping it has taken some practice, but I've found a way that works without making them look like alien artifacts. Sadly, Kelvin is not able to assist me in the new method. His hands are just not big enough. Once they're shaped, you let them rise and start your water & sugar to boiling. Boil, drain, put on a cookie sheet and bake. It takes a bit of time, but they taste good. When I've got it down to a recipe I'm really happy with I'll post it on the recipe blog.

I shoveled snow three times today, and got everyone where they needed to be on time. Dinner was a little late, but no-one complained. About the time, anyway....

I suppose I should quit stalling and get back to work. Those dishes won't wash themselves (did I mention that my old kitchen had a dishwasher). And I need those water bottles clean, partially filled, and in the freezer so they can keep lunches cool tomorrow. That's the bare minimum. The food's put away, and I'm not doing anything now but stalling.................maybe if I just hide out it'll all get done on it's own .........................

is it working?................................

Nah, I didn't think so.

Hi ho, it's off to work I go.......

And it's taken me 1/2 an hour just to compose this....

Madame Blueberry?

"I'm so blu-hoo-hoo, blu-hoo-hoo, blu-hoo-hoo-hoooooo, I'm so blue I don't know what to do...."

This morning, in the bathroom (where all good inspiration is found), I found myself thinking : "I wonder what colour you'd use to describe depression? Green is for jealousy, and red is for anger... Chocolate brown, maybe?.... Oh right. Blue. ..............Duh. .......................... Doesn't seem right, though. Blue is such a versatile colour. It goes with everything. I like blue. Doesn't everybody like blue? Why such a pretty colour for such a heavy feeling?" *sigh*

I don't feel like I have much to say about my life right now. I just feel blue. Overwhelmed by the immediacy of the demands of daily life.

Today we were almost late getting Matt to school because I stopped to shovel the driveway before we left. When we got home I figured we'd better do the sidewalks while I'm still dressed for outside. So Kelvin and I tackled them. Meanwhile, in the back of my head I know that I have to get the breadmaker loaded to make dough for bagels so Matt and Doug can have lunches this week. And it needs to get in quickly so I have time to boil them before taking Kelvin to school, and in the oven just before we leave. I also have to hurry to get the next load of bedding into the washer so I can get it all done and the load of clothes that's been waiting all weekend (since Kelvin has put holes in the knees of three pairs of pants in the last week, it becomes more urgent). I also need to make muffins this morning while the bagel dough is being made, since we are out of them and it's a lunch staple and part of Matt's routine.

That's just this morning's stress.

During the hour (or less, given the weather) between taking Kelvin to school and picking Matt up, I need to do my menu planning for the week, and make my shopping list. Will I remember that I need more whole wheat flour? What were those other things I came across during the week and noticed we needed more of, but forgot to write them down on the list at the time? Is there stuff in the fridge that needs to get used up before it goes bad?

What's for supper tonight? I should probably make that soup that keeps getting put off while the veggies are still good. Will I have energy for it this time? I haven't even looked at what my calendar says we have planned.

Oh yeah, I need to call Bonnie about watching Matt on Wednesday. Rats. I hate calling on the phone.

I wonder when I'm going to get to roll out and bake that gingerbread dough I have sitting in the fridge?

It's bath night, tonight. How much fighting are we going to have to do about who goes first?....

Will I get out in time tonight to make it to Extra Foods? Or will I have to trudge all the way over to Superstore? Why do they close at 9:00? At least it's better than taking the kids with me.

When I get home I get to unload all the groceries, make lunches (which usually entails washing out all the stuff I've forgotten in the lunch boxes), and set the table for breakfast. Then I get to go up to bed where Doug has probably gone to sleep already (since it's pretty late by now) and find my clothes for tomorrow, and my jammies in the dark, stumble to the bathroom hopefully not tripping on the Lego, and then crawl into bed remembering to set the alarm.

And I will get so overwhelmed by most of this stuff that I will shut down and hide out on the computer. I will browse your blogs, and play endless games of Civilization. Things will take longer than they need to, and I will generally make things worse for myself. I have routines that make sure the basics get done, but I still haven't been able to shut out the whole picture and just take baby steps so I don't get so overwhelmed.

My life is really not so bad. My kids are interesting. My husband is (I'm not supposed to say it or he'll be embarrassed). I have a decent home, and no real money worries. I have talents. I even have a few friends (some of whom nag me when I don't blog, but that's ok - I need the push).

So, maybe I'm not blue. Maybe I'm puce.