Madame Blueberry?

"I'm so blu-hoo-hoo, blu-hoo-hoo, blu-hoo-hoo-hoooooo, I'm so blue I don't know what to do...."

This morning, in the bathroom (where all good inspiration is found), I found myself thinking : "I wonder what colour you'd use to describe depression? Green is for jealousy, and red is for anger... Chocolate brown, maybe?.... Oh right. Blue. ..............Duh. .......................... Doesn't seem right, though. Blue is such a versatile colour. It goes with everything. I like blue. Doesn't everybody like blue? Why such a pretty colour for such a heavy feeling?" *sigh*

I don't feel like I have much to say about my life right now. I just feel blue. Overwhelmed by the immediacy of the demands of daily life.

Today we were almost late getting Matt to school because I stopped to shovel the driveway before we left. When we got home I figured we'd better do the sidewalks while I'm still dressed for outside. So Kelvin and I tackled them. Meanwhile, in the back of my head I know that I have to get the breadmaker loaded to make dough for bagels so Matt and Doug can have lunches this week. And it needs to get in quickly so I have time to boil them before taking Kelvin to school, and in the oven just before we leave. I also have to hurry to get the next load of bedding into the washer so I can get it all done and the load of clothes that's been waiting all weekend (since Kelvin has put holes in the knees of three pairs of pants in the last week, it becomes more urgent). I also need to make muffins this morning while the bagel dough is being made, since we are out of them and it's a lunch staple and part of Matt's routine.

That's just this morning's stress.

During the hour (or less, given the weather) between taking Kelvin to school and picking Matt up, I need to do my menu planning for the week, and make my shopping list. Will I remember that I need more whole wheat flour? What were those other things I came across during the week and noticed we needed more of, but forgot to write them down on the list at the time? Is there stuff in the fridge that needs to get used up before it goes bad?

What's for supper tonight? I should probably make that soup that keeps getting put off while the veggies are still good. Will I have energy for it this time? I haven't even looked at what my calendar says we have planned.

Oh yeah, I need to call Bonnie about watching Matt on Wednesday. Rats. I hate calling on the phone.

I wonder when I'm going to get to roll out and bake that gingerbread dough I have sitting in the fridge?

It's bath night, tonight. How much fighting are we going to have to do about who goes first?....

Will I get out in time tonight to make it to Extra Foods? Or will I have to trudge all the way over to Superstore? Why do they close at 9:00? At least it's better than taking the kids with me.

When I get home I get to unload all the groceries, make lunches (which usually entails washing out all the stuff I've forgotten in the lunch boxes), and set the table for breakfast. Then I get to go up to bed where Doug has probably gone to sleep already (since it's pretty late by now) and find my clothes for tomorrow, and my jammies in the dark, stumble to the bathroom hopefully not tripping on the Lego, and then crawl into bed remembering to set the alarm.

And I will get so overwhelmed by most of this stuff that I will shut down and hide out on the computer. I will browse your blogs, and play endless games of Civilization. Things will take longer than they need to, and I will generally make things worse for myself. I have routines that make sure the basics get done, but I still haven't been able to shut out the whole picture and just take baby steps so I don't get so overwhelmed.

My life is really not so bad. My kids are interesting. My husband is (I'm not supposed to say it or he'll be embarrassed). I have a decent home, and no real money worries. I have talents. I even have a few friends (some of whom nag me when I don't blog, but that's ok - I need the push).

So, maybe I'm not blue. Maybe I'm puce.