Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Earning the right

I've had an interesting thought cross my mind today. So, if you don't mind, I think I'll just begin to process it here. Comments welcome - I'm still processing.

I was inspired by both a post on Rob Daly's new blog, and one on Rhonda's. Rob was discussing on his blog the idea of other people's opinions. To quote:

I've tended to defer to the opinions of others rather than pay attention or
give credence to my own. I've come, over the past few years and more recently,
to realize that the opinions of others can genuinely have little merit in terms
of being well thought out and many times little merit otherwise.


Rhonda was also discussing opinions.

Yes, like Yvonne (and Paul her brother) says, they are like butts, everybody has one. And I must say this is a bit of a vent blog. I know my situation brings up compassion and concern and even overwhelming support. But I have to say I am surprised at the amount and RANGE of things people (mostly family) feel very free to share with me.


And the thought occurred to me "what gives other people the right to speak into our lives?" And, what criteria do we use to give other people the right to speak into our lives? AND, what gives us the right to speak into the lives of other people? Doesn't that have to be earned? Do we give it away too easily? Do we expect to have it too freely?

So many questions. So little brain.

So I put it to you. What do people have to do to earn the right to speak into your life? Do you need to have relationship? Trust? Do they need to have a certain "expertise"? Do you need to be the one initiating the query, or is unsolicited input acceptable to you? Do you question what you hear? Or do you just accept what you're being told/taught without the filter of critical thinking? Do you question motives? Do you feel free to question openly? Do you feel free to just throw it out when it doesn't seem right? Do you respect the giver of the input enough to let it simmer for awhile instead of making snap judgements? Do you automatically defer to others? And under what circumstances?

And what about our own opinions? What circumstances allow for open sharing? How much relationship do you need before you feel you can speak into someone's life? How much of your own value is tied up in your opinions?(Ah, now THERE'S a key question!) Do you wait to be asked, or do you offer up your thoughts freely? And when do you do each (assuming there's different circumstances for each approach)? What do you have to put into a relationship before you can speak to someone's heart? What are you really putting on the line?

So... before my brain explodes I will leave you to ponder these things. And then share your opinions. You may do so freely. I will ponder most of them. I will probably reject some and accept others and generally allow for the fact that everyone has a right to their own, and that I ASKED to hear them.