Lightbulb on aisle five...

Sometimes the answer is staring you right in the face.

Matt makes a competition out of everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Especially when it's stuff that doesn't matter. And he will NEVER admit defeat. Even when it's blatantly obvious even to a dimwit that he's not what he claims to be. His philosophy seems quite neatly summed up as:


I reject your reality and replace it with my own.

For instance, this boy claims to be the oldest one he knows. He insists that he's in grade five (he's in grade two). And he will always claim to have done things faster than his brother, even when he hasn't. He pushes his way to get in the door first, get in the van first (even though it means Kel climbing over him), and insists on his his food being served first.

In short, he's made all the things that don't matter - matter.

Why? I kept asking myself. Why does he do this? What makes this so important to him?

Then it hit me. This kid doesn't know his own value. He's creating value for himself in the only way he knows how, even if it doesn't line up with reality. And, if I look back, he's been doing it ever since his brother got here.

How does this happen? We try to affirm him as much as we can. Unfortunately, we have much more bad behaviour to deal with than good, so it makes it a lot harder to provide the "10 affirming statements to 1 negative statement" ratio. How do you affirm his value while trying to get him to understand that he can't take out his anger at me on his brother? I would get just as angry if someone were treating him that way, but since there's fewer opportunities to come to HIS rescue he doesn't have any way of really internalizing that.

So... now I know the underlying problem. I still don't really have a clue about how to fix it. Perhaps I need to borrow some of Jude's "attachment" books (though I already have one...).

*sigh******** It leaves a rotten feeling in the pit of your stomach to know that you have somehow failed to instill value in your precious child..........

(Oh, and for anyone who happens to be praying for us - please continue! We're in the middle of a really negative part of the behaviour cycle at the moment. It's been a tough week...)