Oh Wisdom, where art thou?

Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

Proverbs 4:7 (NIV)

Above all and before all, do this: Get Wisdom!
Write this at the top of your list: Get Understanding!

Proverbs 4:7 (Message)

My brain is mud. So much of the time I find myself listening to the stuff coming out of my mouth and I hear in my head "What are you doing? Don't you think you're overreacting a bit here?" Yet I don't seem to be able to stop. I know that's not entirely the case - I'm probably buying into some lies here, or at least only partial truths.... but I just feel out of control. I don't understand. I really need some wisdom.

I've spent the last four months or so in a constant state of high stress. I thought things would get better after the women's retreat, but I jumped right into Christmas stress. Now that's done and I thought I might feel better, but I don't. I can't believe how much time I spend feeling this way. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm having panic attacks. It's a strange sensation in the middle of my chest whenever I think about the stuff that isn't done and I can't go to bed until it is. I'm not talking about putting away the laundry, or vacuuming. I mean I can't go to bed until the breakfast table is set (Doug's been doing that one for me lately - thanks honey), and the lunches are made for the next day. There just isn't time in the morning for any of that. It HAS to be done before I can go to bed. And I can't do it until everyone is home so I can get the containers out of the lunchboxes and wash them. It's not a huge job, but I'm sooooo tired most of the time that it's hard to make myself go back downstairs to do it. (I have to wait upstairs until Matt falls asleep).

I'm trying to get to bed at a decent hour, and I even started getting up a bit earlier to do some Pilates until my shoulder/neck started to hurt. I need wisdom. I need understanding. I need to get a grip and stop complaining. And now, I need to go to bed.

Thanks for letting me vent.